I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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