you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
