By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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