this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
