so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
