New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
