i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
