To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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