You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
