hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
