Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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