I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
