It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
