girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
