So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
