went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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