Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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