I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize