piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
