You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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