there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
