WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
