He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
