it wasn't lemon gatorade
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
he quoted the bible to break up with me
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Randomize
