Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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