I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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