I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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