i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize