I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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