Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
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