I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
