I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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