Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
