Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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