i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
