the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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