Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
OPIZZABONMYDICK
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
