My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
