I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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