She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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