Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
