my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
