ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
