Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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