The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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