Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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