I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
