How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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