Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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