I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize