meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
