So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
