Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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