Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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