my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
