whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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