Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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