He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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