We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
