i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
