why didn't you poke me back
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
