He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
