I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize