Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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