the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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