Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
sarcasm needs its own font
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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