Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
