Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize