I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Enjoy the penises
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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