it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize