My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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