Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
