Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
