$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
