I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
