Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
