She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Randomize
