You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I am one with the molecules
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
