I seem to have left my pride at pride
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
May the power of my ass compel you!!
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
