$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Sext me about skeletons
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
