Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
