I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
