Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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