just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
