Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
